Self-Punishment is an Addiction

“Participant: AJ, whenever I try and get real about my true self and about how I actually am, I get into a real self judging place, and I don’t know how to see myself as I am without going to that judging place.

So you go into self punishment?

Participant: Yeah.

“Yeah, self punishment is also an addiction. And we need to come to recognise that it is. So what would you do if you were in another addiction – let’s say you had a problem with smoking and you were giving it up. What would you do? Would you have the smokes lying by the bedside table? You wouldn’t, would you? What would you do with them?

Participant: Get rid of them.

Yeah. Most people jump up and down on them and throw them in the bin and then later on at night search through the bin for that. You see, what we often do is we revert back to the behaviour that is a part of the addiction. Self punishment is an addictive behaviour established usually by our parents, actually. We learnt when we were young children that one way to get mum and dad’s approval is to agree with their punishment of us. So therefore we go into this self punishment phase every time we notice something that we feel is bad about ourselves. Now self punishment is also an addiction. So we need to address that as an addiction rather than actually acting out the self punishment and punishing ourselves even further. So we’ll talk about how to do that later in the discussion. As long as you understand at this point that self punishment, self attack, is an addiction in itself. And we need to address that addiction if we really want to progress. Now the problem is when I’m prepared to punish myself, evil spirits who are around me are also then prepared to punish me, so they come in and even worsen the emotion.

Participant: And that’s what happens because instantly I just hear them, “You’re bad, you’re bad, you’re bad, you’re bad”.

Yeah. They’ll start saying things to you, saying, “You’re a bad person anyway”. Because what do they want you to do?

They want you to give up the quest for truth and love and go back to satisfying their addictions, whatever those addictions were. That’s what they want to do. So they want you to punish yourself because in a place of self punishment, you often just give up and go, “Ah, blow this,” and usually we use an “f” word or two. “Blow this! I’m tired of feeling this bad”, and no wonder because you’re punishing yourself all the time. So we go, “I’m tired of feeling this bad, I’m just going to give up anyway and I’ll just go back to my old life.” How many of you have thought like that doing that in the last six months? Exactly. It’s something that happens on a regular basis and it’s something we need to deal with as an addiction.

We have that addiction because we’re invested in our parent’s viewpoint of ourselves. So when our parents punished us,they needed a justification for that punishment and so what we start doing is we start justifying to ourselves our own punishment of ourselves. Now God doesn’t want you to punish yourself, God wants you to change. You’re not going to change while punishing yourself more. We’re only going to change if we realise that that’s one of our addictions and what it’s related to. We’ll talk more about what it’s related to perhaps at another time.”

Original Video: 44:46


Blocks To Truth – Shame and Embarrassment

“If you look at way, way back in your history as a child how many times were you placed in a situation of shame when somebody found the truth out about you? You wet your pants and your siblings or your parents told people. How did that feel? Shame! So what did you do then? You didn’t want anybody to know anything, did you then? Can you see straight away just that one event and a single event like that’s going to cause shame to be attached to truth? In my heart now I will have a feeling that truth is shameful. Straightaway just from that one experience and can you see in my childhood I might have had 20 or 30 or 50 events. If I have been abused sexually I might have 100, 200 of those experiences of shame connected with truth. Many of us have family shames that were covered up. How many of you have experienced that? Where maybe there was an alcoholic parent or whatever, and we are covering up this shame in the family; these are obviously connections then between shame and truth. Truth becomes a very shameful thing then, so shame will be one of the attributes of truth or one of the emotions that we will need to work through before we will be able to let ourselves seek truth.

Allow yourself to work through the blockages for you seeing your own truth. When you do that Divine Truth about you can enter you, but if you refuse if you block that still, if you keep those blockages there, you are actually placing a barrier, there is actually energetically, emotionally; there is this force field barrier around you. To be frank with you, when I’m speaking with you I can feel it so strongly when people come up to me and say, “Could you tell me the truth about this?” and I’m actually feeling quite the opposite emotion in many cases from you.
What I’m feeling is that you don’t want to know the truth about that particular event at all. Because there is this force field barrier around you of not wanting to be emotionally triggered about what that truth is going to open in you. Allow yourself to discover the blockages that you have to truth about your own life and about yourself entering you. When you do that what will happen is this force field barrier that’s around you, surrounding you, will actually fall away and you will become completely open and vulnerable to truth. Initially that’s going to be a very scary prospect; can you understand why? “That means every single person in my life is going to find out about who I really am. How scary is that? And I will find out about who I really am.” How scary is that? What will happen is we will go through this transition phase of getting out of this state where we are trying to block truth from us, into this state where I’m now allowing truth to enter me no matter how bad it seems. Now that in itself is a transition that occurs in the second sphere. Once I get to this stage where I have released all the emotions of that, I’m now in a state where I’m longing for the truth to enter me. Now I’m in the state that can connect to God almost permanently or close to permanently because now I’m open to God’s Truth also entering me.

Remember you can think of God’s Truth, as the doorway to God’s Love so every time you allow God’s Truth to enter you, you also are now establishing a connection with the Holy Spirit and therefore Divine Love can enter you under those circumstances if you long for it. So prayer for Divine Truth is such an important thing and again remember I’m saying longing or seeking for Divine Truth is prayer for Divine Truth.”


Source: Transcript Relationship With God – Longing for Divine Truth (Section 8.1)



God’s Truth is Infinite and Welcoming Release of Our Feelings.

“Jesus: One of the things we understand when we understand that God’s truth is infinite is we understand that we are a work in progress. That means emotionally and our character is a work in progress. Now for our character to change and become more God like, we are going to have release error. And releasing of error can only occur if we understand how the human soul functions, which is another set of FAQ’s, we understand the only way we can release error is not by trying to overcome it with intellectual truth but rather by the releasing of emotions that cause the blockage of the absorption of truth.

Now we wouldn’t then avoid that process if understood that God’s truth is infinite. We would go, OK, if God’s truth is infinite, I am faced with a future life of infinite growth. That means infinite change. That means that at some point I am going to have to give up my feelings that are out of harmony with God’s Truth and Love. At some point, I am going to have to experience them to release them.

So if I understand this fully, I wouldn’t avoid the experience. I would enjoy the experience because I would know every time I am experiencing something; I am releasing something, and therefore getting closer to God’s truth on that particular subject.

Mary: And I think that is a very beautiful place we can reach where we realize, wow, this is an infinite process and if I can welcome what is coming to me, I will just keep growing eternally. I see a lot of people perhaps have a goal in mind, like I want to be clear of this thing or I want to get better at that thing.”


From Divine Truth FAQ Channel Quality 1 What does knowing Divine Truth is infinte look like for me?

8mins 35s to 13mins 31 secs

Beginning to recognise our addictions

“The beginning is always becoming consciously aware that this is happening through your emotions. So your emotion is anger, frustration, annoyance, deflation; all of those type of emotions. There’s an addiction not being met, straight away an addiction, I’ve got to write down the circumstances in which this happened. Today the circumstance that happened was that AJ told me a truth that made me feel like, “Oh I’ve got a lot of work to do. I would have liked him to tell me that actually in ten minutes time all of you are going to become at-one with God.” (Laughter) That sounds really good doesn’t it? “Woo that’s really cool!” But it’s not true, so that’s the problem with that kind of thing.

This is the trouble with what we’ve done; we’re so used to hearing sweet platitudes because of our addictions. We want to actually get somebody cheering us up because we want to avoid the emotion of how we really feel which is not that happy about ourselves really, and we need someone to cheer us up in order to make us feel happy about ourselves. And so all we’re doing is we’re avoiding how unhappy we feel about ourselves really in that moment. [00:55:26]

If I can allow myself to go, “Oh okay, right at that moment, AJ said that,” and to be frank with you it doesn’t even matter whether I lied to you or not. Now don’t go and quote that out of context, will you? Because what I’m saying is that although I want to tell you the truth, even if you’re lied to by somebody and it makes your energy go down, there’s an addiction in play inside of you. You don’t even need to worry about what the external environment is really doing to handle these things; all you need to do is feel your own emotional response to what the external environment is doing.That’s all you need to do and you’ll know straight away whether there is an addiction in play or not. You don’t even need to have someone come along and tell you anymore, all you do is feel your own emotion. [00:56:18]”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

Addictions are an active blockage to our causal emotions

“Participant: So could there still be some childhood anger present though?

Oh certainly there can be. That’s why I said rare rather than non-existent. But in your processing work you need to get to a point where your anger is not even there in a real way, not that you’re intellectually getting out of your anger all the time, but in a real way the anger isn’t even present with you anymore. If your anger is present, you know that you’re in an addiction still; you’re in an addiction still when that anger is there. Remember I gave a talk “The Human Soul – Anger is your guide”, and your anger is a beautiful guide into what your demands and expectations that are unloving are all about. Your anger is all about that. So if you can allow yourself to feel your anger and be truthful about your anger and be truthful about what’s going on inside of you about it, and be truthful about hurt, because all hurt based emotions are angry in nature and they’re all projections on others, you’ll very rapidly see your own addictions. And when you see your own addictions, then you have a chance of releasing them emotionally.

When you release them emotionally the underlying causal emotion, which is just sitting there underneath this addiction, can now just naturally percolate up into your awareness. You’ll feel it and it will just naturally come up because there is no longer any blockage, there is no longer any passive blockage or active blockage that you have preventing it from coming to the surface. Addictions are an active blockage to your causal emotion. They are a blockage that we created because we badly want to not feel the causal emotion, so we are totally in activity with our addictions. We want these addictions to be met so that we can avoid the causal emotion. Now when you get rid of the addiction there’s now no longer the desire to avoid your causal emotion either. In that moment, whatever gets triggered just comes up, something gets triggered, comes up again and it gets triggered and comes up again until it’s no longer there and there’s nothing to prevent it from coming up anymore. It’s the addiction that suppresses it, keeps it down andunder control. [01:09:43]”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

When we release the addictions the associated anger dissipates

“Mary: Can I say though that I don’t think I’m through that causal emotion about our safety, but I feel I have given up that addiction?

Yes. That’s one thing to bear in mind too, is that every addiction you give up, you’ll find the anger that goes along with it dissipates. That’s the beauty; you may not get to the causal emotion sometimes with these addictions, but from that point on, you will no longer have anger when your addiction isn’t met. Many of us have instant anger when our addiction doesn’t get met, instant hurt, instant resentment; all of those instant feelings that come up where we fire up,and those feelings are all about our addictions getting met. When you deal with the addiction and feel through it emotionally, you’ll get to the point where you still may have an underlying causal emotion you need to release, but the actual addiction itself won’t drive the anger. There’s no addiction anymore so therefore no angry response. Remember the addiction is there to mask the causal emotion, that’s the purpose of it, so when I’m prepared to acknowledge the addiction and feel it, now it’s not masking the causal emotion so now the causal emotion has a chance to actually come up and be felt. [01:05:11]

Mary: And now that safety emotion is far more present for me all of the time.

So now what happens is if I talk to a group of people who are angry, instead of Mary being angry with me, she is actually crying because these people are angry and she feels terrible about it. She’s now in the causal emotion because the actual addictive behaviour to get out of the causal emotion is no longer present.

Participant: So the anger can subside as soon as you identify the addiction?

No, you have to feel your way through the addiction and the anger will subside. It’s very rare for you to notice it intellectually and the anger subsides. You’ll find that the anger will keep coming up, keep coming up, and keep coming up until you feel the reason why the addiction was created. “I’m not getting what I want here.” When you feel your way through that and release that and cry about that, then the addiction is gone. It’s like the addiction disappears. It’s like it just goes into nothing and from that moment on, now the causal emotion is there, ready to be felt at any time, any time it’s triggered and you won’t have an addictive response to it. [01:06:23]

And that’s the beauty of doing it too; you actually get out of anger, you have very little anger. After you deal with these addictions, you’ll find you’ll have very little anger in any of your processing. So if there’s still anger in your processing, you know there’s a lot of addictions in place still. When you get to a place where you’ve dealt with a lot of the addictions, the anger itself often is completely gone out of all of your processing. So now, even though Mary still has the emotion where she’s afraid for our lives at times with different interactions that are happening with us and the different feelings that people project at us and she’s still afraid of that, she’s now not angry with me or with the people doing it anymore.”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

Many addictions are due to false beliefs rather than causal emotions

“Mary: For me, I’ve had many addictions that were not based on causal emotions. I had to really desire to see the truth of what was occurring also. I see many people with addictions trying to, for example, process that their mother didn’t love them, when the truth may be that their father just had an arrogant viewpoint to women and that is actually the false belief that needs to be released. So very often with addictions there is a causal pain, but sometimes there’s not a causal pain, there’s just a false belief that was created within us that is an error. If you think about it, all of our causal pain is just an error that we are releasing; it’s an erroneous emotion that we believe to be the truth.

Mary: I’m bringing this up because I know AJ has had more addictions based on causal grief, but my addictions have actually been more in both camps. Some of them were based around feeling that if a man loves me he will do certain things for me, and that came from error in my relationship with my dad that wasn’t related to him not doing things for me, it was related to him doing lots of things for me. So does everyone understand that distinction that I’m making there? I had to really pray about seeing the truth of what was happening in these interactions.

What Mary is bringing up is important in that many of our addiction were created in us because we became spoilt children where we had our mother or our father doing all sorts of things for us. Eventually we learnt how to manipulate them into doing it and how to control them to do it because of their own emotional injuries. And we’ve grown up with these expectations that are all unloving and we need to give them up. [00:55:53]

Mary: Also if we’ve grown up in an environment that has a lot of prejudice within it, we can take that on as truth. It’s an error that we believe is truth. So men are better than women. Black people are worse than white people. They’re all error-based beliefs that create addictions that we have to release, and the pain is like the three year old who realises he can’t have the lolly. They are experiencing the pain right here and now and we realise “Oh gee, women aren’t better than men. That hurts, now I’ve got to feel we’re equals”, so I have to feel that now.

17.3.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night (continued)

So in the scenario that I was giving you earlier, I could be sitting there feeling, “Actually I expect that a woman puts dinner on my table under any circumstance.” That finishes up being what I’m feeling, and it’s a demand. I demand that you’re a woman, and that’s your job, you’ve got to do that, and that’s what I feel. Now, how would that addiction have been created? Well, it got created, by mum putting dinner on my table every single day and every single night up until I was eighteen years of age when I left home and I’m a male. I never saw dad do it and I never had to do it for myself.

So how do I give up that addiction? Firstly by feeling the anger of the addiction itself; there’s a lot of rage and expectation in it, and then going in and realising that actually I’m the one out of line here. I’m the one with the unloving expectation and addiction. And what do I feel about that? Right in this instant I feel, “You’re unloving to me,you don’t put dinner on my table, and you’re unloving to me.” That’s how it is right now. That’s what I feel and I may be completely wrong, but I need to feel that, I need to really feel that and connect with that emotionally. [00:58:07]

Mary: And the reason I bring that up is because I feel that’s the pain that people resist the most because in the
interaction you have to go and cry. Because what has happened is there has been an error about love that has entered you when you’re young, and you do have to go and cry about feeling like I’m not being loved even though the truth is you could very well be being loved in that interaction.

Yeah. So, as another example, you’ve taught your child that every time you go shopping and you’re going to go past the lolly aisle you’ll pick a lolly out for it. And then this time the child doesn’t get the lolly what does the child do? Goes “Argh!” (AJ yells and throws himself on the floor) and then the child stands back up and looks to see if anyone’s noticing (Laughter). And then if no one’s noticing it goes back down and does a bit more generally, and that’s what we often do. That’s often our rage. Our rage is often this place where we will be in this place where we’re really trying to force the other person in to what we believe they should do even though it’s totally unloving and it’s an addiction. And so what Mary’s brought up is very important in this process like to be completely truthful about how you feel means I feel like actually, “Come to think of it, you’re a woman and you should be making my dinner.” [00:59:30]

Mary: And I’ve found for me that those kinds of truths are hard to face sometimes
Yeah and then I need to go into it. “Alright the truth is that a woman doesn’t have to make my dinner. Actually, the truth is actually that no one has to make my dinner. In fact no one but myself is responsible for my dinner, and the trouble is that I’ve had a mum who for eighteen years has taught me that a woman is responsible for my dinner.”

So, you mothers out there who’ve got younger men, children, boys and girls; stop making them dinner. Teach them how to make their own dinner. You’re teaching them some stuff and they’re going to become very obnoxious when they get with their woman, or whoever they’re going to finish up with, thinking that the woman should have to make dinner for the rest of her life. How many of you ladies have made dinner so much that you’re now sick to death of even looking at making dinner? Yeah, totally sick to death of it. You’d rather not make a meal for the next twenty years and somebody else have to do it. And this emotion in you came from an expectation of your childhood and an expectation about love and that emotion in you also has created an expectation in the people around you to make dinner for them.These are all emotions that need to be addressed.So in that particular issue, if we completely feel how we feel, you’ll be surprised sometimes where it goes. Mary said it may go into this place where you actually realise that actually your expectations are so totally unloving and off the ball and you’ve got to do something about them. Or it may take you into this real child like place of what’s happening, or it may take you into this real tantrum place that you need to work your way through to get into the child like place. Or it may take you into this real tantrum like place where you realise actually that it’s got nothing to do with the dinner and got everything to do with your whole life and how hard it feels. You might go into that place. Either way you’ll need to make some choices and decisions to change your life obviously. [01:01:50]”


(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)