Self-Punishment is an Addiction

“Participant: AJ, whenever I try and get real about my true self and about how I actually am, I get into a real self judging place, and I don’t know how to see myself as I am without going to that judging place.

So you go into self punishment?

Participant: Yeah.

“Yeah, self punishment is also an addiction. And we need to come to recognise that it is. So what would you do if you were in another addiction – let’s say you had a problem with smoking and you were giving it up. What would you do? Would you have the smokes lying by the bedside table? You wouldn’t, would you? What would you do with them?

Participant: Get rid of them.

Yeah. Most people jump up and down on them and throw them in the bin and then later on at night search through the bin for that. You see, what we often do is we revert back to the behaviour that is a part of the addiction. Self punishment is an addictive behaviour established usually by our parents, actually. We learnt when we were young children that one way to get mum and dad’s approval is to agree with their punishment of us. So therefore we go into this self punishment phase every time we notice something that we feel is bad about ourselves. Now self punishment is also an addiction. So we need to address that as an addiction rather than actually acting out the self punishment and punishing ourselves even further. So we’ll talk about how to do that later in the discussion. As long as you understand at this point that self punishment, self attack, is an addiction in itself. And we need to address that addiction if we really want to progress. Now the problem is when I’m prepared to punish myself, evil spirits who are around me are also then prepared to punish me, so they come in and even worsen the emotion.

Participant: And that’s what happens because instantly I just hear them, “You’re bad, you’re bad, you’re bad, you’re bad”.

Yeah. They’ll start saying things to you, saying, “You’re a bad person anyway”. Because what do they want you to do?

They want you to give up the quest for truth and love and go back to satisfying their addictions, whatever those addictions were. That’s what they want to do. So they want you to punish yourself because in a place of self punishment, you often just give up and go, “Ah, blow this,” and usually we use an “f” word or two. “Blow this! I’m tired of feeling this bad”, and no wonder because you’re punishing yourself all the time. So we go, “I’m tired of feeling this bad, I’m just going to give up anyway and I’ll just go back to my old life.” How many of you have thought like that doing that in the last six months? Exactly. It’s something that happens on a regular basis and it’s something we need to deal with as an addiction.

We have that addiction because we’re invested in our parent’s viewpoint of ourselves. So when our parents punished us,they needed a justification for that punishment and so what we start doing is we start justifying to ourselves our own punishment of ourselves. Now God doesn’t want you to punish yourself, God wants you to change. You’re not going to change while punishing yourself more. We’re only going to change if we realise that that’s one of our addictions and what it’s related to. We’ll talk more about what it’s related to perhaps at another time.”

Original Video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPbW3jUH0V8 44:46
Transcript:http://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/345228/2/the-human-soul-addictions-bribery-fear-threats-blackmail

Blocks To Truth – Shame and Embarrassment

“If you look at way, way back in your history as a child how many times were you placed in a situation of shame when somebody found the truth out about you? You wet your pants and your siblings or your parents told people. How did that feel? Shame! So what did you do then? You didn’t want anybody to know anything, did you then? Can you see straight away just that one event and a single event like that’s going to cause shame to be attached to truth? In my heart now I will have a feeling that truth is shameful. Straightaway just from that one experience and can you see in my childhood I might have had 20 or 30 or 50 events. If I have been abused sexually I might have 100, 200 of those experiences of shame connected with truth. Many of us have family shames that were covered up. How many of you have experienced that? Where maybe there was an alcoholic parent or whatever, and we are covering up this shame in the family; these are obviously connections then between shame and truth. Truth becomes a very shameful thing then, so shame will be one of the attributes of truth or one of the emotions that we will need to work through before we will be able to let ourselves seek truth.

Allow yourself to work through the blockages for you seeing your own truth. When you do that Divine Truth about you can enter you, but if you refuse if you block that still, if you keep those blockages there, you are actually placing a barrier, there is actually energetically, emotionally; there is this force field barrier around you. To be frank with you, when I’m speaking with you I can feel it so strongly when people come up to me and say, “Could you tell me the truth about this?” and I’m actually feeling quite the opposite emotion in many cases from you.
What I’m feeling is that you don’t want to know the truth about that particular event at all. Because there is this force field barrier around you of not wanting to be emotionally triggered about what that truth is going to open in you. Allow yourself to discover the blockages that you have to truth about your own life and about yourself entering you. When you do that what will happen is this force field barrier that’s around you, surrounding you, will actually fall away and you will become completely open and vulnerable to truth. Initially that’s going to be a very scary prospect; can you understand why? “That means every single person in my life is going to find out about who I really am. How scary is that? And I will find out about who I really am.” How scary is that? What will happen is we will go through this transition phase of getting out of this state where we are trying to block truth from us, into this state where I’m now allowing truth to enter me no matter how bad it seems. Now that in itself is a transition that occurs in the second sphere. Once I get to this stage where I have released all the emotions of that, I’m now in a state where I’m longing for the truth to enter me. Now I’m in the state that can connect to God almost permanently or close to permanently because now I’m open to God’s Truth also entering me.

Remember you can think of God’s Truth, as the doorway to God’s Love so every time you allow God’s Truth to enter you, you also are now establishing a connection with the Holy Spirit and therefore Divine Love can enter you under those circumstances if you long for it. So prayer for Divine Truth is such an important thing and again remember I’m saying longing or seeking for Divine Truth is prayer for Divine Truth.”

 

Source: Transcript Relationship With God – Longing for Divine Truth (Section 8.1) http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/241307

 

 

Facing Personal Truth – Some Practical Advice

“The only way I can progress consistently and without limit is to emotionally accept that I am in a condition of error, that only God is the source of Absolute Truth, and that I must generate within me a pure desire to seek for and find His Truth. This is the only path that will set me free. To do this, I must begin to see myself how God sees me, and I must desire from the heart to come to know Him and His Truths. I must become God-reliant. A side benefit of this course of action is that I will also come to know myself completely, and I will place myself in the condition of being able to receive God’s Divine Love consistently. His Love is the only substance that can transform me into a Divine Angel, and it will also create within me untold happiness.

If I am not conscious of the Divine Love entering my soul, and assuming I think I desire it to enter me, then there must be something wrong within myself for this condition to exist. Although I think I desire His Love, I must not have a sincerely motivated pure desire for it. So I must question my self truthfully and openly if I want to move beyond this condition of stagnation in regards to receiving and experiencing my Father’s Love.

I do this by asking myself a few important questions on a daily basis. These are:

What events are currently happening in my life that demonstrate I am out of harmony with God’s Love, and how have I attracted these events to my life?
What emotions within me are triggered by these events and are those emotions in harmony with Truth and Love?
Do I feel any emotional or physical pain? If so, what reasons within my beliefs, emotions, desires or passions could there be for my experiencing this pain?
How do I portray myself to others? Am I being emotionally truthful and open?
Am I still doing things that God or a celestial angel would not do?
How do I really feel inside, and what tools am I using to deny my feelings?
Have all my actions been moral and ethical? If not, what is the emotional cause for my being immoral or unethical?

As most who know me realize, I have a notebook with me most of the time. I then use this notebook to write down things that I notice in my life that are not in harmony with my Father’s Laws of Love, based on my own honest answers to these questions. I then make those subjects a matter for prayer with my Father.

Coming from a condition of sin, sometimes during my progression I have felt physical pain and yet not been able to identify its emotional or spiritual cause. Or I have experienced frustration. During this time I make the subject a matter of intense prayer to my Father, asking Him to demonstrate to me using whatever methods are at His disposal over the next few days what the true cause may be. I then make an effort to take notice of the events and circumstances that happen over the next few days to see what my Father is telling me is the cause of the issue. I am particularly careful to take notice of everything, even those things of what may normally be called minor, since I have found that it is often the instant mental dismissal of something that has been presented to me many times that has been the cause of the stagnation. He is so Merciful and Generous towards me that He keeps on showing me what is wrong within me even when I have repeatedly ignored the issue, and the closer I return to Him the more I remember the consistency of His Love.

I do these things and much more because what I desire the most in my life is to know my Creator intimately. This desire has been with me for as long as I can remember. My relationship with Him is my passion. He is my never-ending love. It is difficult for me to describe in words how intense this desire for God is within me, and I cannot keep from weeping just thinking about it. Every other desire within me is subservient. I realize that I cannot keep coming closer to Him without confronting all and any error within me that keeps me distant from Him, and just as my desire for Him is personal, passionate and real, so too I take personal responsibility for the condition within me that prevents my progression towards Him. While my soul exists, this will forever be the state I seek.

It is not possible to reach God without facing personal truth, without seeing things as they really are within our own personal emotional and spiritual condition. We cannot fake it until we make it, we cannot counterfeit passion for God; it either exists as a real substantial emotional feeling, or it does not exist and needs to be developed and nurtured by coming to know the Divine Truth. We cannot fake a desire for Divine Truth; we either have a passion for knowledge, or we need to be willing to remove the emotions within us that cause us to reject it.

So rather than becoming frustrated with your progression, allow yourselves to re-examine your own feelings, desires, passions and longings, and be totally willing to face the Truth about yourself as God sees you. If you do, you will find that your relationship with Him will forever grow.

This an excerpt from the original document which can be found here http://www.divinetruth.com/PDF/Books/SelfPrint/A4/Qualities%20Of%20Divine%20Truth%20&%20Facing%20Personal%20Truth%20%28A4%29.pdf