Self-Punishment is an Addiction

“Participant: AJ, whenever I try and get real about my true self and about how I actually am, I get into a real self judging place, and I don’t know how to see myself as I am without going to that judging place.

So you go into self punishment?

Participant: Yeah.

“Yeah, self punishment is also an addiction. And we need to come to recognise that it is. So what would you do if you were in another addiction – let’s say you had a problem with smoking and you were giving it up. What would you do? Would you have the smokes lying by the bedside table? You wouldn’t, would you? What would you do with them?

Participant: Get rid of them.

Yeah. Most people jump up and down on them and throw them in the bin and then later on at night search through the bin for that. You see, what we often do is we revert back to the behaviour that is a part of the addiction. Self punishment is an addictive behaviour established usually by our parents, actually. We learnt when we were young children that one way to get mum and dad’s approval is to agree with their punishment of us. So therefore we go into this self punishment phase every time we notice something that we feel is bad about ourselves. Now self punishment is also an addiction. So we need to address that as an addiction rather than actually acting out the self punishment and punishing ourselves even further. So we’ll talk about how to do that later in the discussion. As long as you understand at this point that self punishment, self attack, is an addiction in itself. And we need to address that addiction if we really want to progress. Now the problem is when I’m prepared to punish myself, evil spirits who are around me are also then prepared to punish me, so they come in and even worsen the emotion.

Participant: And that’s what happens because instantly I just hear them, “You’re bad, you’re bad, you’re bad, you’re bad”.

Yeah. They’ll start saying things to you, saying, “You’re a bad person anyway”. Because what do they want you to do?

They want you to give up the quest for truth and love and go back to satisfying their addictions, whatever those addictions were. That’s what they want to do. So they want you to punish yourself because in a place of self punishment, you often just give up and go, “Ah, blow this,” and usually we use an “f” word or two. “Blow this! I’m tired of feeling this bad”, and no wonder because you’re punishing yourself all the time. So we go, “I’m tired of feeling this bad, I’m just going to give up anyway and I’ll just go back to my old life.” How many of you have thought like that doing that in the last six months? Exactly. It’s something that happens on a regular basis and it’s something we need to deal with as an addiction.

We have that addiction because we’re invested in our parent’s viewpoint of ourselves. So when our parents punished us,they needed a justification for that punishment and so what we start doing is we start justifying to ourselves our own punishment of ourselves. Now God doesn’t want you to punish yourself, God wants you to change. You’re not going to change while punishing yourself more. We’re only going to change if we realise that that’s one of our addictions and what it’s related to. We’ll talk more about what it’s related to perhaps at another time.”

Original Video: 44:46


God Does Not Respond to Addictive Demands

“Participant: I’m starting to realise that if we have a really strong desire for God it could be an addiction expecting Him to love us.

Jesus: We have a lot of addictions with God. And in fact God doesn’t respond to addictive demands. That’s one thing we need to remember about God.

So this is one way that we can tell whether we have addictions with God. We pray, we pray, we pray, we pray… nothing happens. We pray, we pray… nothing happens. We pray, we pray… nothing happens. We pray… now, ” F you, God, I’m not praying no more”. That tells me that all the previous prayers were all addictions. They were all demands because remember the anger-based response is when the addiction or expectation or demand is not being met.

The truth is you will never get angry when you’re out of your addictions. You’ll never get angry again. I’m not talking about the childhood anger, where you’re processing an emotion and you’re laying on the ground just having a good scream, I’m talking about the adult anger where you’re just in a rage because something that you wanted did not happen. And because something we wanted didn’t happen we turned to anger, and the anger is telling us that actually none of what we just did was motivated by a pure motive; it was all motivated by an unloving motive, a motive to avoid a fear, or avoid some grief, or to control.

You see the anger is a very good guide. Remember three years ago now I gave a talk about, “The Human Soul – Anger is your guide”. Many of you are yet to learn this actually; anger is your guide, telling you that, “Oh! I have an addiction, and it’s unloving. That’s what my anger is telling me.” And if I look at my expectations and demands, in that addiction, I will find and discover the fear that those demands and expectations cover. And if I let myself feel those fears, as an emotion, I will actually get to the underlying reason why I did all that in the first place, and while I’m there, now God can connect to me. And God can connect to me because I’m now in my true self, I’ve now had an awakening to what’s going on inside of my own soul because I wanted to, I made that choice to.

So when we’re in these addictions, we are so far removed from God that we have no chance of connecting. We need to go in and down to get to the connection point.

So we need to go into the anger, we go, “Okay I’m angry, I’m angry. I admit that I’m angry. Okay there’s an addiction in play. I’m angry so there’s got to be an addiction.” And even at that point most of us go, “No it’s your fault I’m angry.” For example, “It was my husband’s fault; he didn’t do the right thing by me.” Or, “It was my wife’s fault or my children’s fault.” It’s always somebody else’s fault, right? No, it’s because you have expectations and demands that you’re angry, that’s the only reason why you’re angry. So it’s within me – my expectations, my demands – that create this rage within me. So I go, “Okay, there’s an addiction inside of me that I desperately do not want to release. What is it?”

This is where prayer now comes into effect – where we can start praying for God to help us with finding what it is. Talk to our spirit guides who can lead us to show us what it is.”

Original Video:

Needs vs Longing

“When need is not met it creates an emotion that is out of harmony with love inside of us. So if I need something from you and you don’t give me what I need, I then feel sad, hurt, angry, or one of those emotions. Maybe even afraid, but any emotion that’s out of harmony with love that I am feeling in that moment demonstrates that I was in a codependency desire with you. I was demanding something from you that when you didn’t give it to me, I felt this neediness towards you, which was a demand. And when you didn’t give it to me, I got upset, hurt, angry, whatever the emotion was. That’s an indication that I am in need with a person and therefore in an addiction.
But a longing is very different. I can have a longing for you without actually projecting any needs upon you at all and without projecting any demand upon you at all. This is in fact what God wants from you to receive Divine Love because what happens is when you have a pure longing inside of your own soul for somebody’s love that’s not about neediness, there’s a part of your soul that opens that allows love to be received. And you see most of us on this planet have a lot of shut down things inside of our soul that prevent us from receiving love. So when we have a longing for somebody’s love, we open up this vulnerable part of ourselves, which allows love to flow into it. Now that’s not the same as a need; a need is a projected demand that the person love you. A longing is just a longing for their love whether they love you or not and you remain as happy whether they love you as you did when they didn’t.

So what often happens is we’re longing for somebody’s love, this open and vulnerable space gets created, and you see this a lot with teenagers before they get very hurt in love; they have this real strong longing for the other person and they just demonstrate that longing without any subterfuge or deceit. They’re just open about it, “Yeah you know I just love him, he’s so beautiful and he’s gorgeous,” and their eyes light up and you know they have this really open feeling coming from them. But then they get hurt and what starts to happen? Now they’re a bit more guarded with their heart.

But when we’re in a longing space we are not guarded with our heart, our heart is open and vulnerable and therefore
it’s open to being hurt as well. But if I have no addictive emotions in me, will I ever get hurt by having a longing? No. So any hurt that I feel that’s due to a longing is because of an unmet emotional need from my childhood that needs to be released anyway. [01:19:45]”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

Beginning to recognise our addictions

“The beginning is always becoming consciously aware that this is happening through your emotions. So your emotion is anger, frustration, annoyance, deflation; all of those type of emotions. There’s an addiction not being met, straight away an addiction, I’ve got to write down the circumstances in which this happened. Today the circumstance that happened was that AJ told me a truth that made me feel like, “Oh I’ve got a lot of work to do. I would have liked him to tell me that actually in ten minutes time all of you are going to become at-one with God.” (Laughter) That sounds really good doesn’t it? “Woo that’s really cool!” But it’s not true, so that’s the problem with that kind of thing.

This is the trouble with what we’ve done; we’re so used to hearing sweet platitudes because of our addictions. We want to actually get somebody cheering us up because we want to avoid the emotion of how we really feel which is not that happy about ourselves really, and we need someone to cheer us up in order to make us feel happy about ourselves. And so all we’re doing is we’re avoiding how unhappy we feel about ourselves really in that moment. [00:55:26]

If I can allow myself to go, “Oh okay, right at that moment, AJ said that,” and to be frank with you it doesn’t even matter whether I lied to you or not. Now don’t go and quote that out of context, will you? Because what I’m saying is that although I want to tell you the truth, even if you’re lied to by somebody and it makes your energy go down, there’s an addiction in play inside of you. You don’t even need to worry about what the external environment is really doing to handle these things; all you need to do is feel your own emotional response to what the external environment is doing.That’s all you need to do and you’ll know straight away whether there is an addiction in play or not. You don’t even need to have someone come along and tell you anymore, all you do is feel your own emotion. [00:56:18]”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

Physical Addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions

“Every physical addiction can be thought of as when the emotional addiction does not get met. So the problem with most of us is that we are meeting our emotional addictions in much of our life, and because of that we have a less likelihood to have a physical addiction. So actually the people with physical addictions are just demonstrating that their emotional addictions are not even getting met. And, in reality, if a person has a physical addiction often they can more rapidly access the emotional addiction that is not being met more rapidly, because it is obvious to everyone around them that something’s wrong.

You see the problem for the majority of us is that if my emotional addictions get met by you, and your emotional addictions get met by me, we’re both happy. We don’t see that there’s a problem here. But when we look at a guy who’s bombed out on drugs for half of his life, we say, “Yep there’s a problem.” (Laughter) And yet I myself, I’m happy and so I think there’s no problem. But in reality the problem is that his emotional addiction isn’t getting met,that’s why he’s on these drugs; because he needs a physical way of getting out of these emotional addictions, and it’s quite obvious. But the problem for me is that I’m already getting my emotional addictions met and I’m quite happy with it, and that’s not obvious. Sometimes it’s actually harder for a person who’s getting their emotional addictions met and who feels quite happy in their life to progress spiritually towards God than it is for the person who’s down and out and has a lot of problems in their life getting these addictions met and quite often it’s not so obvious. [00:43:24]

In the first century, many of the people who followed us when we were travelling around talking to people, like we are doing with these groups, were actually people who had heavy physical addictions because they could see they had a problem. And many of the people who attacked us were the people who were in heavy denial of their emotional addictions, because they couldn’t even see they had a problem. And the trouble with emotional addiction is that often we don’t even see the problem that’s right there and we don’t see our rage and our anger and our hurt as proof that the addiction is present. We just don’t notice those things.

And if we’re in a very, very close co-dependent relationship with somebody, we can often avoid much of the rest of the pain because there’s seemingly so much joy in that relationship that we don’t even notice why that relationship was created. We feel this relationship is beautiful when in reality it is so co-dependent, and that it just makes both of us extremely happy because we’re getting our addictions met. So for most of us, our emotional addictions are getting met, so we don’t have to go to a physical addiction to detune from our life, to detune from the fact that things are not being met. We go to a physical addiction generally when the emotional addiction doesn’t get met and we don’t know how to meet it. Whatever that physical addiction is, it might be drugs, alcohol, it might be medicated prescription drugs, it might be pain killers, and it might be TV, videos, movies. It might be partying every night, having sex all the time. Not that there’s any trouble with having sex all the time or partying every night, but the issue is, are we using it as an addiction to suppress a causal emotion? That’s the issue.

So when the emotional addiction is met it doesn’t generally generate a physical addiction. When it’s not met then we get the additional layer of a physical addiction. The beauty of a physical addiction though is it is obvious usually to everyone around us and sometimes to ourselves, not all the time, but it’s obvious generally to everyone around us that we have a “problem”. But the issue with an emotional addiction is that it’s not obvious to anyone around us that we have a “problem”, except generally to God, and your relationship with God, because while you’re in emotional addictions you cannot get closer to God. Obviously these talks are all about being closer to God, and so we want to be able to learn how to deal with the addictions, learn how feel about them and do something with them, so let’s look at some of that. Now before we proceed, is everyone clear about the addictions, are there any questions you’d like to ask about them? [00:46:46]”


(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

Addictions are an active blockage to our causal emotions

“Participant: So could there still be some childhood anger present though?

Oh certainly there can be. That’s why I said rare rather than non-existent. But in your processing work you need to get to a point where your anger is not even there in a real way, not that you’re intellectually getting out of your anger all the time, but in a real way the anger isn’t even present with you anymore. If your anger is present, you know that you’re in an addiction still; you’re in an addiction still when that anger is there. Remember I gave a talk “The Human Soul – Anger is your guide”, and your anger is a beautiful guide into what your demands and expectations that are unloving are all about. Your anger is all about that. So if you can allow yourself to feel your anger and be truthful about your anger and be truthful about what’s going on inside of you about it, and be truthful about hurt, because all hurt based emotions are angry in nature and they’re all projections on others, you’ll very rapidly see your own addictions. And when you see your own addictions, then you have a chance of releasing them emotionally.

When you release them emotionally the underlying causal emotion, which is just sitting there underneath this addiction, can now just naturally percolate up into your awareness. You’ll feel it and it will just naturally come up because there is no longer any blockage, there is no longer any passive blockage or active blockage that you have preventing it from coming to the surface. Addictions are an active blockage to your causal emotion. They are a blockage that we created because we badly want to not feel the causal emotion, so we are totally in activity with our addictions. We want these addictions to be met so that we can avoid the causal emotion. Now when you get rid of the addiction there’s now no longer the desire to avoid your causal emotion either. In that moment, whatever gets triggered just comes up, something gets triggered, comes up again and it gets triggered and comes up again until it’s no longer there and there’s nothing to prevent it from coming up anymore. It’s the addiction that suppresses it, keeps it down andunder control. [01:09:43]”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

When we release the addictions the associated anger dissipates

“Mary: Can I say though that I don’t think I’m through that causal emotion about our safety, but I feel I have given up that addiction?

Yes. That’s one thing to bear in mind too, is that every addiction you give up, you’ll find the anger that goes along with it dissipates. That’s the beauty; you may not get to the causal emotion sometimes with these addictions, but from that point on, you will no longer have anger when your addiction isn’t met. Many of us have instant anger when our addiction doesn’t get met, instant hurt, instant resentment; all of those instant feelings that come up where we fire up,and those feelings are all about our addictions getting met. When you deal with the addiction and feel through it emotionally, you’ll get to the point where you still may have an underlying causal emotion you need to release, but the actual addiction itself won’t drive the anger. There’s no addiction anymore so therefore no angry response. Remember the addiction is there to mask the causal emotion, that’s the purpose of it, so when I’m prepared to acknowledge the addiction and feel it, now it’s not masking the causal emotion so now the causal emotion has a chance to actually come up and be felt. [01:05:11]

Mary: And now that safety emotion is far more present for me all of the time.

So now what happens is if I talk to a group of people who are angry, instead of Mary being angry with me, she is actually crying because these people are angry and she feels terrible about it. She’s now in the causal emotion because the actual addictive behaviour to get out of the causal emotion is no longer present.

Participant: So the anger can subside as soon as you identify the addiction?

No, you have to feel your way through the addiction and the anger will subside. It’s very rare for you to notice it intellectually and the anger subsides. You’ll find that the anger will keep coming up, keep coming up, and keep coming up until you feel the reason why the addiction was created. “I’m not getting what I want here.” When you feel your way through that and release that and cry about that, then the addiction is gone. It’s like the addiction disappears. It’s like it just goes into nothing and from that moment on, now the causal emotion is there, ready to be felt at any time, any time it’s triggered and you won’t have an addictive response to it. [01:06:23]

And that’s the beauty of doing it too; you actually get out of anger, you have very little anger. After you deal with these addictions, you’ll find you’ll have very little anger in any of your processing. So if there’s still anger in your processing, you know there’s a lot of addictions in place still. When you get to a place where you’ve dealt with a lot of the addictions, the anger itself often is completely gone out of all of your processing. So now, even though Mary still has the emotion where she’s afraid for our lives at times with different interactions that are happening with us and the different feelings that people project at us and she’s still afraid of that, she’s now not angry with me or with the people doing it anymore.”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)