Needs vs Longing

“When need is not met it creates an emotion that is out of harmony with love inside of us. So if I need something from you and you don’t give me what I need, I then feel sad, hurt, angry, or one of those emotions. Maybe even afraid, but any emotion that’s out of harmony with love that I am feeling in that moment demonstrates that I was in a codependency desire with you. I was demanding something from you that when you didn’t give it to me, I felt this neediness towards you, which was a demand. And when you didn’t give it to me, I got upset, hurt, angry, whatever the emotion was. That’s an indication that I am in need with a person and therefore in an addiction.
But a longing is very different. I can have a longing for you without actually projecting any needs upon you at all and without projecting any demand upon you at all. This is in fact what God wants from you to receive Divine Love because what happens is when you have a pure longing inside of your own soul for somebody’s love that’s not about neediness, there’s a part of your soul that opens that allows love to be received. And you see most of us on this planet have a lot of shut down things inside of our soul that prevent us from receiving love. So when we have a longing for somebody’s love, we open up this vulnerable part of ourselves, which allows love to flow into it. Now that’s not the same as a need; a need is a projected demand that the person love you. A longing is just a longing for their love whether they love you or not and you remain as happy whether they love you as you did when they didn’t.

So what often happens is we’re longing for somebody’s love, this open and vulnerable space gets created, and you see this a lot with teenagers before they get very hurt in love; they have this real strong longing for the other person and they just demonstrate that longing without any subterfuge or deceit. They’re just open about it, “Yeah you know I just love him, he’s so beautiful and he’s gorgeous,” and their eyes light up and you know they have this really open feeling coming from them. But then they get hurt and what starts to happen? Now they’re a bit more guarded with their heart.

But when we’re in a longing space we are not guarded with our heart, our heart is open and vulnerable and therefore
it’s open to being hurt as well. But if I have no addictive emotions in me, will I ever get hurt by having a longing? No. So any hurt that I feel that’s due to a longing is because of an unmet emotional need from my childhood that needs to be released anyway. [01:19:45]”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)


Beginning to recognise our addictions

“The beginning is always becoming consciously aware that this is happening through your emotions. So your emotion is anger, frustration, annoyance, deflation; all of those type of emotions. There’s an addiction not being met, straight away an addiction, I’ve got to write down the circumstances in which this happened. Today the circumstance that happened was that AJ told me a truth that made me feel like, “Oh I’ve got a lot of work to do. I would have liked him to tell me that actually in ten minutes time all of you are going to become at-one with God.” (Laughter) That sounds really good doesn’t it? “Woo that’s really cool!” But it’s not true, so that’s the problem with that kind of thing.

This is the trouble with what we’ve done; we’re so used to hearing sweet platitudes because of our addictions. We want to actually get somebody cheering us up because we want to avoid the emotion of how we really feel which is not that happy about ourselves really, and we need someone to cheer us up in order to make us feel happy about ourselves. And so all we’re doing is we’re avoiding how unhappy we feel about ourselves really in that moment. [00:55:26]

If I can allow myself to go, “Oh okay, right at that moment, AJ said that,” and to be frank with you it doesn’t even matter whether I lied to you or not. Now don’t go and quote that out of context, will you? Because what I’m saying is that although I want to tell you the truth, even if you’re lied to by somebody and it makes your energy go down, there’s an addiction in play inside of you. You don’t even need to worry about what the external environment is really doing to handle these things; all you need to do is feel your own emotional response to what the external environment is doing.That’s all you need to do and you’ll know straight away whether there is an addiction in play or not. You don’t even need to have someone come along and tell you anymore, all you do is feel your own emotion. [00:56:18]”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

Physical Addictions are driven by unmet emotional addictions

“Every physical addiction can be thought of as when the emotional addiction does not get met. So the problem with most of us is that we are meeting our emotional addictions in much of our life, and because of that we have a less likelihood to have a physical addiction. So actually the people with physical addictions are just demonstrating that their emotional addictions are not even getting met. And, in reality, if a person has a physical addiction often they can more rapidly access the emotional addiction that is not being met more rapidly, because it is obvious to everyone around them that something’s wrong.

You see the problem for the majority of us is that if my emotional addictions get met by you, and your emotional addictions get met by me, we’re both happy. We don’t see that there’s a problem here. But when we look at a guy who’s bombed out on drugs for half of his life, we say, “Yep there’s a problem.” (Laughter) And yet I myself, I’m happy and so I think there’s no problem. But in reality the problem is that his emotional addiction isn’t getting met,that’s why he’s on these drugs; because he needs a physical way of getting out of these emotional addictions, and it’s quite obvious. But the problem for me is that I’m already getting my emotional addictions met and I’m quite happy with it, and that’s not obvious. Sometimes it’s actually harder for a person who’s getting their emotional addictions met and who feels quite happy in their life to progress spiritually towards God than it is for the person who’s down and out and has a lot of problems in their life getting these addictions met and quite often it’s not so obvious. [00:43:24]

In the first century, many of the people who followed us when we were travelling around talking to people, like we are doing with these groups, were actually people who had heavy physical addictions because they could see they had a problem. And many of the people who attacked us were the people who were in heavy denial of their emotional addictions, because they couldn’t even see they had a problem. And the trouble with emotional addiction is that often we don’t even see the problem that’s right there and we don’t see our rage and our anger and our hurt as proof that the addiction is present. We just don’t notice those things.

And if we’re in a very, very close co-dependent relationship with somebody, we can often avoid much of the rest of the pain because there’s seemingly so much joy in that relationship that we don’t even notice why that relationship was created. We feel this relationship is beautiful when in reality it is so co-dependent, and that it just makes both of us extremely happy because we’re getting our addictions met. So for most of us, our emotional addictions are getting met, so we don’t have to go to a physical addiction to detune from our life, to detune from the fact that things are not being met. We go to a physical addiction generally when the emotional addiction doesn’t get met and we don’t know how to meet it. Whatever that physical addiction is, it might be drugs, alcohol, it might be medicated prescription drugs, it might be pain killers, and it might be TV, videos, movies. It might be partying every night, having sex all the time. Not that there’s any trouble with having sex all the time or partying every night, but the issue is, are we using it as an addiction to suppress a causal emotion? That’s the issue.

So when the emotional addiction is met it doesn’t generally generate a physical addiction. When it’s not met then we get the additional layer of a physical addiction. The beauty of a physical addiction though is it is obvious usually to everyone around us and sometimes to ourselves, not all the time, but it’s obvious generally to everyone around us that we have a “problem”. But the issue with an emotional addiction is that it’s not obvious to anyone around us that we have a “problem”, except generally to God, and your relationship with God, because while you’re in emotional addictions you cannot get closer to God. Obviously these talks are all about being closer to God, and so we want to be able to learn how to deal with the addictions, learn how feel about them and do something with them, so let’s look at some of that. Now before we proceed, is everyone clear about the addictions, are there any questions you’d like to ask about them? [00:46:46]”


(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

Self- Love

“So if you can, over the coming months, start looking at this issue of love of self in a much deeper way. The biggest hurt in the human race is this lack of love of self and this inability to even forgive yourself, let alone anyone else. And if you can allow yourself to work through that emotionally by feeling the emotions that you have about yourself, the shame you feel about yourself, the guilt you have towards yourself. All of these different emotions you have about yourself, the sadness that you have about yourself, how you haven’t realised your potential and how you feel about that inside of yourself. And if you forgive yourself for all of these things by feeling those emotions and releasing them and talking to God and feeling Divine Love flow through into you, what will happen is in the end you’ll not remember those emotions anymore. You’ll be able to remember every single thing, every single event in your life and you’ll not have any judgement of yourself about it. And you will not think, but you will feel that you are the same as every other person; you will actually feel that you are the same as the persons who are right now living up in the twenty second sphere state in an at-onement condition; you will feel that you’re equal to them. Imagine that. How many times today on earth do you feel you are not equal to somebody? Why do we glorify people on earth, why do we treat them differently? Because we feel we are not equal to them. Imagine if you released all of those emotions in yourself and forgave yourself for every single thing that you‘ve been ashamed about in your life, you’ll get to a point where you’ll actually now feel inside of yourself as an emotion that you are the same as anyone else.”