“Mary: For me, I’ve had many addictions that were not based on causal emotions. I had to really desire to see the truth of what was occurring also. I see many people with addictions trying to, for example, process that their mother didn’t love them, when the truth may be that their father just had an arrogant viewpoint to women and that is actually the false belief that needs to be released. So very often with addictions there is a causal pain, but sometimes there’s not a causal pain, there’s just a false belief that was created within us that is an error. If you think about it, all of our causal pain is just an error that we are releasing; it’s an erroneous emotion that we believe to be the truth.
Mary: I’m bringing this up because I know AJ has had more addictions based on causal grief, but my addictions have actually been more in both camps. Some of them were based around feeling that if a man loves me he will do certain things for me, and that came from error in my relationship with my dad that wasn’t related to him not doing things for me, it was related to him doing lots of things for me. So does everyone understand that distinction that I’m making there? I had to really pray about seeing the truth of what was happening in these interactions.
What Mary is bringing up is important in that many of our addiction were created in us because we became spoilt children where we had our mother or our father doing all sorts of things for us. Eventually we learnt how to manipulate them into doing it and how to control them to do it because of their own emotional injuries. And we’ve grown up with these expectations that are all unloving and we need to give them up. [00:55:53]
Mary: Also if we’ve grown up in an environment that has a lot of prejudice within it, we can take that on as truth. It’s an error that we believe is truth. So men are better than women. Black people are worse than white people. They’re all error-based beliefs that create addictions that we have to release, and the pain is like the three year old who realises he can’t have the lolly. They are experiencing the pain right here and now and we realise “Oh gee, women aren’t better than men. That hurts, now I’ve got to feel we’re equals”, so I have to feel that now.
17.3.1. An example of a man expecting a woman to cook dinner every night (continued)
So in the scenario that I was giving you earlier, I could be sitting there feeling, “Actually I expect that a woman puts dinner on my table under any circumstance.” That finishes up being what I’m feeling, and it’s a demand. I demand that you’re a woman, and that’s your job, you’ve got to do that, and that’s what I feel. Now, how would that addiction have been created? Well, it got created, by mum putting dinner on my table every single day and every single night up until I was eighteen years of age when I left home and I’m a male. I never saw dad do it and I never had to do it for myself.
So how do I give up that addiction? Firstly by feeling the anger of the addiction itself; there’s a lot of rage and expectation in it, and then going in and realising that actually I’m the one out of line here. I’m the one with the unloving expectation and addiction. And what do I feel about that? Right in this instant I feel, “You’re unloving to me,you don’t put dinner on my table, and you’re unloving to me.” That’s how it is right now. That’s what I feel and I may be completely wrong, but I need to feel that, I need to really feel that and connect with that emotionally. [00:58:07]
Mary: And the reason I bring that up is because I feel that’s the pain that people resist the most because in the
interaction you have to go and cry. Because what has happened is there has been an error about love that has entered you when you’re young, and you do have to go and cry about feeling like I’m not being loved even though the truth is you could very well be being loved in that interaction.
Yeah. So, as another example, you’ve taught your child that every time you go shopping and you’re going to go past the lolly aisle you’ll pick a lolly out for it. And then this time the child doesn’t get the lolly what does the child do? Goes “Argh!” (AJ yells and throws himself on the floor) and then the child stands back up and looks to see if anyone’s noticing (Laughter). And then if no one’s noticing it goes back down and does a bit more generally, and that’s what we often do. That’s often our rage. Our rage is often this place where we will be in this place where we’re really trying to force the other person in to what we believe they should do even though it’s totally unloving and it’s an addiction. And so what Mary’s brought up is very important in this process like to be completely truthful about how you feel means I feel like actually, “Come to think of it, you’re a woman and you should be making my dinner.” [00:59:30]
Mary: And I’ve found for me that those kinds of truths are hard to face sometimes
Yeah and then I need to go into it. “Alright the truth is that a woman doesn’t have to make my dinner. Actually, the truth is actually that no one has to make my dinner. In fact no one but myself is responsible for my dinner, and the trouble is that I’ve had a mum who for eighteen years has taught me that a woman is responsible for my dinner.”
So, you mothers out there who’ve got younger men, children, boys and girls; stop making them dinner. Teach them how to make their own dinner. You’re teaching them some stuff and they’re going to become very obnoxious when they get with their woman, or whoever they’re going to finish up with, thinking that the woman should have to make dinner for the rest of her life. How many of you ladies have made dinner so much that you’re now sick to death of even looking at making dinner? Yeah, totally sick to death of it. You’d rather not make a meal for the next twenty years and somebody else have to do it. And this emotion in you came from an expectation of your childhood and an expectation about love and that emotion in you also has created an expectation in the people around you to make dinner for them.These are all emotions that need to be addressed.So in that particular issue, if we completely feel how we feel, you’ll be surprised sometimes where it goes. Mary said it may go into this place where you actually realise that actually your expectations are so totally unloving and off the ball and you’ve got to do something about them. Or it may take you into this real child like place of what’s happening, or it may take you into this real tantrum place that you need to work your way through to get into the child like place. Or it may take you into this real tantrum like place where you realise actually that it’s got nothing to do with the dinner and got everything to do with your whole life and how hard it feels. You might go into that place. Either way you’ll need to make some choices and decisions to change your life obviously. [01:01:50]”
(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)