Processing Addictions Tool 3: Define our expectations

“So that’s the next thing; define your expectations.
Remember that ALL expectations are unloving.

The expectation you have to be loved; that’s an unloving expectation. The expectation you have that someone doesn’t treat you badly; that’s an expectation that’s unloving in you too. All expectations are unloving.
What kind of expectations does God have of you? Zero. And when you’re at-one with God, you will have zero. Imagine living with a person with no expectations. Wouldn’t that be pretty amazing? You don’t have to do anything for them, or anything to them to be loved. It’s pretty amazing that, isn’t it? Well the truth is, you’re living with one everyday and you’re rejecting Him. See God’s that person. We don’t want that a lot of the times, we reject that a lot of the times. We think we want it, but we keep pushing it away. So define all of your expectations. Your anger tells you your expectations. Your annoyance, frustrations and all of those; they all tell you your expectations. So you define your expectations. The reason why is because you’re not going to look at any of them emotionally until you admit to yourself that you’ve got them. You’re just going to skip over them completely all the time. If we define them and if we write them down all the time, we know what makes us angry, so therefore we know what our expectations are. I expect a man loves me. I expect the woman to put the dinner on the table at six thirty. Our expectations can be physical or emotional or spiritual for that matter. And all of them are going to be unloving, but we need to define them, we need to see what they are, remembering they’re all unloving. [00:34:19]
Now, this isn’t a judgement of me, this is just the truth; all expectations are unloving because God doesn’t have expectations of me. God doesn’t expect anything of me so therefore anytime I expect something of another person I am being unloving. It’s just quite that simple and it’s not a judgement, it’s just a statement of truth. So instead of judging myself about how unloving I’ve been; when we start writing our expectation list; “Oh yeah I expect that, I expect that, I expect that, oh yeah I expect that too, I expect that”, and over the page, “I expect that” and over the page and so forth. And after you get to six or seven or eight pages of them, you start going, “Gee whiz, what kind of person am I?” Remember I said you might have a thousand addictions, or two? Every one of those addictions covers over an expectation. They’re driven by an expectation.
So I’m starting to get to the eighth page and if there’s twenty a page, that’s like two hundred, and I’m starting to feel, “Gee whizz, who wants to know any more about me?” (Laughs) That’s a judgement; I’m now in judgement of myself because the truth is all of my expectations usually were created in my childhood by my environment. So by me getting all down upon myself about what I’ve now got inside of myself, I’m really judging myself and that’s not helpful either. I just need to be truthful about what’s there. Just allow yourself to be truthful.

So I’ve now defined my expectations and I’ve now realised they’re all unloving, even though most of them feel like they’re not unloving. We go, “How can that be unloving? You’re telling me that, no that doesn’t sound right to me, like I know it sounds unloving, but I still should be able to have it,” and we have all of this blame going on. So when we start talking to people about their emotions, often times they say, “But the other person yelled at me, they yelled at me.” I say, “Yeah, I know and you’re unloving right now.” “But they yelled at me, why aren’t you saying they’re unloving?” I just say, “Well, they are unloving, but you’re unloving right now too.” We want the person to point out the other person’s stuff, but we’re not very happy to look at our own stuff. [00:36:42]
So the beauty of doing this is we’re starting to have an openness and a humility to look at our own stuff, and that’s a very powerful tool with your connection with God. You see the primary thing that prevents you from receiving Divine Love is the fact that we’re unwilling to look at our own stuff. So wouldn’t it pay to look at our own stuff as a high priority? Of course. So that’s why these kinds of tools are helpful.”

(The Human Soul: Processing Addictions)

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